What Is Real?

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I feel like I am in a dream

And the particles that make me

Are vibrating

Shifting from solid form

Into nothing.

Am I a ghost?

A stranger smiles my way.

I must be real.

Unless this is all fake.

How do you tell if you’re alive

When even pain just feels like a distant memory?

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Feels Like Home

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It took you about fifteen minutes to park, I kept busy by writing in my notebook, trying to get all my ideas down on paper so I wouldn’t forget later; because let’s admit it, I always forget come later.

You ease yourself into a parking spot that anyone else would have had trouble with.

We climb out of the car and are welcomed by the ninety-seven degree heat. We embark on our journey just down the road until we hit sand. Immediately, we are greeted with the scent of sunblock and the view of the sun glistening over the ocean ripples.

“Look at the waves,” you awed. They came up in the distance only to break, crashing down just before the shore. I ran off ahead. My right foot stepped into water first. It was chilly, then warm. Each step took me deeper and deeper as the water slapped against me. Then, when I was in shoulders deep, I turned to watch you run through the sand and into the ocean. A big smile on your face as your thick, dark brown hair caught in the wind making you look a joyous and oblivious as a little kid.

A big wave came curling up from behind me. I jumped, with my arms out before me, and rode it into shore to meet up with you. You take me in your strong arms, pulling me against your bare chest, and with my legs wrapped around your waist, you carry me out deeper. Small waves come and go and we hop to float over them, watching them roll to shore.

I’m happy here. In the warm water, under the hot southern sun, with you. It feels like home.

A big wave comes and you throw me over. For a brief second, I’m free-falling, then I hit and sink and laugh. Another one comes and I let it carry me away.

You chose to be defiant. Stand your ground. The waves crash into you and you never falter. Your hazel eyes are locked onto me, squinting in the sunlight. Your pink lips are tight, determined. Your hair is so dark from being wet that it almost looks black and it’s all disheveled from the ocean water beating against you. And the best part about it is, you don’t even know how sexy you look just then.

But I do.

And being here with you, in this new place, it feels like home.

Another Picture it & Write inspiration!

Runaway Train

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The first in a series of short stories inspired by Songs.

Pressing the dials on the payphone, I called her up in the middle of the night.

All was dark and quiet. I felt like a firefly without a light. She was a blowtorch always calling me to her side.

She picked up on the first ring.

“Hello?”

“It’s me.”

“Where are you? I didn’t even hear you leave…”

“I’ve just, I’m so tired I can’t even sleep. There’s so many things…” So many things I couldn’t say. I promised myself I wouldn’t weep, yet here I was crying into the receiver. Just another promise for me to break.

“What is it?”

I looked out into the silent night. Mindlessly, I fiddled with the ticket in my hand. Bending the corner in ever so slightly. It was paper-thin, and weightless, I knew. But somehow it weighed at least ten pounds in my hand. I struggled to keep ahold of it.

What was I going to say to her? What could I say? There was no one who could help me now, not even her or her sweet voice. “I’m just in too deep,” I muttered into the phone.

“What are you talking about?” Her voice was beginning to become shrill and break. Even then it was soft and smooth. A little quieter she asked, “What did you do?”

Thunder shook the black night. “I don’t want to talk about that.” Then, before she could say another word, I began. “Remember when we went to the lake? You wore that teal sequined dress and waded into the water with it still on…”

“It still smells like dirty lake water.”

I smiled. Remembering that moment always made me smile. How she ran full force into the soul-chilling, bone-freezing water. Pausing only to turn back at me, her black-blue hair slapping her in the face, to smile. I wondered if I would still remember. Remember how to smile where I was going.

How did things end up this way? I wondered. So jaded.

Thunder roared overhead and the clouds rumbled as they burst into droplet s of rain. Small and soft at first. Then they began to fall down harder and faster.

“What is this all about?”

Her question echoed in my mind. The ticket grew heavier in my grip. I was going somewhere no one else could and now I knew something no one else did. Nothing was right any more. Not cut or dried, day or night, earth or sky; none of it seemed real.

What was real was I was leaving. I couldn’t say why. I couldn’t begin to explain where.

A horn broke through the sound of rain colliding with the solid ground.

Where no one elseย had been. That’s where I’d be. I laughed. Laughed at the irony. The ridiculousness. I laughed at the misery. The pain. I laughed. I laughed. I laughed at the rain.

“Is this a joke?”

The horn was louder now.

The train pulled up to the station, tearing up the tracks.

“I have to go now. I’m not coming back.”

“What? Where are you going?”

I could hear the sob caught in her throat. See the tears running down her rose-petal cheeks.

“I’m sorry.” I hung up the phone.

I handed my one-way ticket to the man. I would never return. Where I was going I would never exist again. Not here. Not there. Not without her.

“Are you ready?” He asked.

I could only nod.

The train started back up. I could feel it vibrate through my veins.

I didn’t know where I would go or what I would become.

But the light of his halo calmed my thoughts as I rode the train home.

 

I Don’t Want To Be A Sinner

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I didn’t mean to make a mess of things,
I guess neither did you
But you and I are both sinners
And we just do as sinners do

We lust, we lie, we cheat, that’s life
We loved, we lost, now it’s time to say goodbye.

I don’t want to be a sinner
But Lord knows I ain’t a saint
Neither of us is the winner,
Because neither of us could think
I don’t want to be a sinner
But I guess that’s what I am
Neither of us is the winner
Because you and I are both damned.

I didn’t mean to ruin your life
I guess I am just a whore
Because instead of going to the light
I followed you into the dark

I didn’t mean to fall in love
I guess you might say the same
But neither of us could stay away
Now we’re both to blame

We lust, we lie, we cheat, that’s life
We loved, we lost, now it’s time to say goodbye.

I don’t want to be a sinner
But Lord knows I ain’t a saint
Neither of us is the winner,
Because neither of us could think
I don’t want to be a sinner
But I guess that’s what I am
Neither of us is the winner
Because you and I are both damned.

I didn’t mean to make a mess of things
I didn’t mean to start a war
I didn’t mean to ask for so much
But I was greedy, I wanted more

I don’t want to be a sinner
But Lord knows I ain’t a saint
Because when he tested my faith,
I threw it all a way
I don’t want to be a sinner
But I know that’s what I am
Because when I’m kissing you,
I know I am damned.

To Be New

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Your rays of heat

Melt the snow from me

Spring came too late

But I cannot wait-

I need to breathe

My lungs aren’t working…

I am still cold…

I need to come alive

I need to come to life

I need to…

I need you…

To lift me up

Into the sun

And watch me bloom

Until the

Moon wans

Like a lonely swan

I bow my head in shame

The light’s been gone

For so damn long

That it hurts

When you look my way…

I am still cold…

I need to be alive

I need the warmth inside

I need to feel

I need to heal

These blackened wounds

That prevent me to bloom

I will mend them

Soon I’ll have no excuse

For my selfish ties

When day does come

And spring has begun

I will know

To say goodbye

I need to say goodbye

I need to come to life

I need to…

I need to…

I need to feel the heart

Beating at the core

Of the earth

And I will be new

I will be new

Again.